The Matt Cockburn Fake Radio Show

 

 MC005- Matt's Roast [119:58m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

Oy vey! do these bastards rip me a new one. Lucky for you, you have to listen to an hour of our regular format before the Gang tries hard to knock your hero (Me) down a few pegs.

Listen as Johnson meets her number one fan; we introduce Timmy the Tard our new associate producer; Paul sings his song “The Twelve Days of Mattmas”, I make a big announcement and much, much more including Matt posing the question, “Why do people poop on the floor in public restrooms?”

 Don’t forget that with each new episode comes a new installment of our “TOP 5…” located under the category “TOP 5″ in the left margin. This month’s is pretty funny.

 

 MC004-2 The Bosely Murder Scene [6:37m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

Well, just outside of Gettysburg in a town called Carroll Valley. Here’s the story.

 ”Carroll Valley Carnage: Victim, 19, stabbed, mutilated & set on fire

BY SCOT ANDREW PITZER — Times Staff Writer

Authorities arrested a 34-year-old Carroll Valley man Wednesday morning for brutally murdering a teenage colleague.
Jason Armstrong, of 16 Snow Bird Trail, was taken into custody at 5:30 a.m. and charged with criminal homicide, arson, possessing an instrument of crime, tampering evidence, and abusing a corpse. He was also charged with DUI.
The body of a 19-year-old male was found in a heavily wooded vacant lot Wednesday morning in a suburban housing development along Ski Run Trail,  parallel to Snow Bird Trail, in Carroll Valley Borough.
Police believe the teenager, whose name wasn’t released as family members were being notified of his death, was set on fire.
“We take these matters very seriously, and we’re considering all leads,” Adams County District Attorney Shawn Wagner said during a Wednesday afternoon press conference. “At this point in our investigation, we’re focusing on Mr. Armstrong, but as in any investigation, we’ll go wherever the evidence takes us.”
Investigators describe the murder as gruesome: the teenager suffered extensive injuries, including 15-20 stab wounds on his back, multiple stab wounds on his chest, defensive stab wounds on his arms, a large slice on one of his palms, a four-inch deep slash on the right side of his throat, a severed right ear, a burnt upper torso and a scorched right arm.
“Parts of his face were unrecognizable,” Wagner said. “The victim suffered significant trauma.”
The teenager and Armstrong were believed to have been camping together. Armstrong lives within walking distance of the camp-site.
“I wouldn’t want to rule out anything, but it appears that just two people were involved,” said Pa. State Police Gettysburg Barracks Station Commander Sgt. Robert Gano.
The body was still smoldering when police arrived on the scene shortly after daylight.
“It was smoking,” said Carroll Valley Police Dept. Cpl. James Powers.
The investigation is ongoing, and an autopsy is being performed Thursday.
“Just because charges have been filed doesn’t mean that the investigation is over,” said Sgt. Gano. “This is going to be a long investigation.”
The teenager and Armstrong worked together at Ski Liberty. Police did not address possible motives.
“They were acquaintances,” said Sgt. Gano.
Wagner indicated that the two individuals were dropped off at the wooded area, along Ski Run Road in Section K of Carroll Valley, sometime Tuesday night. Camping equipment was found in the woods, about 500 yards from the road.
“It’s not an area that I’d recommend for camping,” said Cpl. Powers. “It’s posted.”
Police believe the murder occurred sometime early Wednesday morning. According to investigators, Armstrong returned to his house after the murder around 4:30 a.m., changed his blood-stained clothes, and left in a vehicle. About 15 minutes later, a phone call was made to 911 regarding a possible murder near Ski Run Trail. Within minutes, Armstrong wrecked his Honda Sedan along the 5700 block of Fairfield Road, about a mile away from his residence. Before police arrived on the scene, Armstrong drove the damaged vehicle back to his house.
“One officer was investigating the original call when the second call came about the accident,” explained Cpl. Powers. “For a short time, we investigated them as separate incidents, not realizing that they were related. When we were en route to the accident, we were informed that Mr. Armstrong left the scene and went back to his house. Then we connected the dots.”
It is unclear why Armstrong left his residence in a vehicle, and police didn’t speculate if he was fleeing the scene. Evidence has been recovered from the camp-site and Armstrong’s house, but police were unable to comment when asked if the murder weapon was found. Investigators were also mum when asked about Armstrong’s criminal history.
“Ethically, we’re not allowed to comment on an individual’s criminal record,” said Wagner.
Police didn’t say whether alcohol was found at the camp-site, although Armstrong was charged with DUI when arrested at his house.
Armstrong was in custody Wednesday, and was awaiting arraignment. Due to the nature of the charges, there is no bail. Toxicology reports and an autopsy were expected to be performed Thursday.
*******

Carroll Valley residents stunned by gruesome murder

BY SCOT ANDREW PITZER  — Times Staff Writer

Carroll Valley residents are in shock following a gruesome Wednesday morning murder that occurred near a suburban neighborhood along Ski Run Trail.
“It’s odd,” said Fairfield area resident Robyn Koons. “It makes you wonder what’s going on in our little community.”
Thirty-four year-old Jason Armstrong, of 16 Snow Bird Trail, was arrested early Wednesday morning for murdering a 19-year-old male in a camping area about 500 yards from Ski Run Trail. Armstrong’s residence on Snow Bird Trail is one street parallel from the crime scene.
“This was a safe neighborhood, but this kind of changes it all,” said 54 Ski Run Trail resident Kim Stabler. “It’s very surprising.”
Neighbors describe Ski Run Trail, adjacent to Route 116, and the houses that pepper each side of the scenic, hilly roadway as a peaceful community.
“My wife and I moved here several years ago because it’s so quiet,” said 79 Ski Run Trail resident Michael Meredith. “We all generally watch out for each other here. But the situation really makes you wonder about who you’re living beside and who your neighbors are.”
Investigators assured citizens that there is no reason to panic.
“I don’t think there’s any concern for safety in this area as a result of the incident,” said Adams County District Attorney Shawn Wagner.
Police activity inundated the neighborhood beginning at 5:30 a.m. Wednesday — around the time when Armstrong was taken into custody — until the sun set.
“We believe that this was an isolated incident,” said Carroll Valley Police Dept. Cpl. James Powers. “The community remains very safe.”
Many vehicles, when drivers noticed the police and emergency vehicles, pulled over to watch the action.
“Nothing seemed out of the ordinary until we saw police pull a body out of the woods,” said Stabler. “It’s very scary that something like this can happen right down the road.”
Authorities held a press conference Wednesday afternoon at Carroll Valley Borough Hall, but residents were otherwise left wondering what caused all of the commotion.
“I talked to an investigator in the morning and he was very understanding of my concerns,” said Meredith. “He told me that they had a body, that someone was in custody and that the neighborhood was secure. It was important to find out what was going on, because my wife is here alone sometimes, and our neighbors all watch out for each other.”
Armstrong and the teenager, whose name wasn’t released as family members were being notified of his death, were believed to have been camping in the woods during the overnight hours of May 27-28. The victim was stabbed more than 20 times, and burned so severely that parts of his face were unrecognizable. Little is known about the 19-year-old, other than the fact that he was male, and that he worked with Armstrong at Ski Liberty. The investigation is ongoing.”

As you may have read in “A Day In the Life of Matt Cockburn”, I went to the scene of the crime. Hit play to hear the audio version of that story.